Maedelle. I have a thing for trains, skylines and beautifully-tailored words. Inspiring the world, one step at a time. More?
I suddenly realize this while looking through your posts about C. It's that you two could be soulmates or something considering you two possess that same perfectly imperfect rabbit teeth. Haha! Stay strong you guys xx
And the big forehead. Hehe, thank you! :)
I love you, but I’m mad at you is one of the most freeing, important things you can say in a stable relationship. Does that make sense? To know that you have the ability and the right to be mad at someone and know that it doesn’t mean things are over, that it doesn’t mean things are irreparable. That it just means I’m mad, but God, I love you. I love you. Now leave me alone.
Nothing soothes you.
I have tried the incense sticks,
There is nothing to be done for you.
I am ready to stop viewing your
â€” Donna-Marie Riley, Go Gently About Your Love (via ismiamora)
"the pressure of having to make the most out of every moment, the moments have already gone" This line really got to me. :( You are such a great writer and I absolutely adore your blog!
Thank you so much! :) <3
Hello! (I'm a frosh in DLSU-STC, btw.) Did your boyfriend go to STC today (or if you read this late, last May 16)? He was giving out Plaridel newspapers, right? Right? And since I saw him I thought you were there too but I didn't see you so I guess you didn't go there so I thought of telling him to say my hi to you but then who am I to do such a thing so here I'm telling you that at least I've seen your other half and it kind of sort of felt like seeing you in person too :)
Hello! Thanks for being so sweet :) Yup, he did go to STC. I was in a team building seminar that day so I wasn’t able to go there, but Plaridel’s recruiting sometime in June, and I’m actually hoping to get the chance to go there as well, so maybe we could see each other during recruitment week! :D
did you and c break up?
How can you ever think of something so unthinkable! Lol no haha we didn’t :))
Today marks my last first day of school, the first day of my last year in the university. It was no big deal to me, I went to school today feeling unusually calm. No worries about what was ahead of me, because everything that I could ever encounter on a first day, I already had.
It was not until I took my first step inside the university that I realized how much change is taking place somewhere so familiar.
Today, the usual sea of people was merely a sea of people. A pool of faces I barely know, mostly irritating me with their loudness and their inability to feel that they are blocking the way. Their murmurs echoed throughout the walls of the restrooms, worrying about how they can’t repeat outfits and how slang all the other students are.
The sea of people wasn’t a crowd of acquaintances and people you recognize by face anymore. Most of these people have gone now.
The usual places I went to felt different, porous even. Full of holes left by the people who have left, holes we have to fill.
The responsibilities dawn on us, all the challenges we have to face and as we look at the rough road ahead of us, all we can do is sigh. At the end of it all, the challenges and responsibilities and the pressure of having to make the most out of every moment, the moments have already gone.
But then I go up to the fifth floor of SPS, and I find peace, the kind of peace that says “I’m still the same even if all the others have changed”. Peace that is given by both old and new found friends, peace given by the corners you have touched.
The same people who give me the sense of fulfillment, the same people who tell me to keep going. They leave a light inside of me that makes me think it is sufficient, that it is all that I need.
Then I leave through the door and down the dim-lighted stairs and remind myself to be brave, because there is absolutely nothing to be afraid of. But there’s that little tiny voice inside of my heart that trembles because the stairs I used to descend with a hand holding mine, I need to descend alone.
I am full of unfinished thoughts, thoughts that were cut because I never had the courage to speak them out or admit to myself. Thoughts I deemed as dangerous, destructive, and unnecessary to either myself, the people around me or the people I love,
So I held them back.
I have held back a hundred times that holding back feels like something natural, as if I was always like this.
My heart feels as heavy as a molten rock, feeling nothing but negativity and anxiousness — waiting for the heat to turn up so it could explode and disintegrate and be rid of all responsibility.
But this time, I want to give. Even my job description entails me to give, to appreciate people, to actually cling and attach myself to them. I want to be the one who nurtures, the one who inspires, and I cannot do that if I keep my heart to myself.
But I can’t just start giving myself away.
I have been so used to keeping myself distant and so closed up from others that even if I actually want to open up, it takes someone really persistent to crack me open. And I cannot, for the love of God, crack myself open.
Christ, what in the world is happening? It frustrates me so much. Somewhere along the way I lost myself, and it is so difficult finding her again.
I write horribly now, too. Writing was all I ever known. What in the world happened, I do not know.
I feel incredibly lost.
Except for the oxygen part, I feel like my heart has stopped all its other functions.
My brain feels like mush.
There was rarely ever a time when I had this much difficulty in writing. In thinking, even,
I have so much to say, yet not enough words, not enough will to let them materialize, and this isn’t even the slightest bit poetic.
“You. Every ounce, every detail, every atom. Us. This is what I want. This is what I will continuously want, and this is what we have to continue fighting for.” (September 2013)
Eight months and a hundred tests later, I still feel the same. You’re still the person I would want to wake up to in the morning, your arms are still all the refuge I want after a tiring day.
“I love you because you keep my feet on the ground, because you continue to remind me to soar. I love you despite your flaws, despite your complicated mind. I love you because you make self-deprecating jokes just to make me laugh, because we talk about capitalists on a regular basis. I love you because you give me food and good literature, and because you turn me into literature. I love you for a hundred reasons, I fell in love with you because of a hundred reasons.” (September 2013)
I still do, and for more reasons this time. I love you for being patient, for being honest. I love you because you always remember to get me something from Free Comic Book Day, and that you always get the things I love. I love you because you still hold my hand, I love you because you insist on having saturday night phone calls, I love you because you call me dearest. I love you for more than a hundred reasons, and I will continue to love you because of more than a hundred reasons.