Maedelle. I have a thing for trains, skylines and beautifully-tailored words. Inspiring the world, one step at a time. More?
I have always been secure of my place. I knew what I was doing, and why I was doing it. I have seen the concrete, tangible results of my work and it was enough to satisfy me.
But tonight, as I open another Word file, I have begun to question absolutely everything. Why I am still doing this, what am I doing this for, why in the world do I want all this stress, and all other things.
They say doubt is healthy, yes? But I don’t know if it is at this point. I have relentlessly kept myself awake for days but now, I realize, that maybe that’s what I just am today — awake. My brain feels like it is just merely awake, no longer being able to churn out good output because for the sole reason that it is already exhausted.
They tell me to go back to the reason why I wanted all this in the first place, but right now, I really don’t know where to go or why I ever did want this in the first place. I can’t see it anymore. It’s all covered up by the fog.
I really don’t know.
I either eat too much or starve myself. Sleep for 14 hours or have insomniac nights. Fall in love very hard or hate passionately. I don’t know what grey is. I never did.
â€” (via hazelhirao)
So he told me that I will always have a special place in his heart. What could that really mean? I sent him a really sweet birthday greeting and he was flattered to the point that he got emotional, he said he was speechless and that was what he told me, and that he said that 'cause he wanted to show me how special I am to him.
Well, I suppose it could mean a lot of things but most likely:
Well, that’s the optimist-neutral-pessimist sides of the possibilities, but I suppose you shouldn’t dwell on it much, things tend to go crazy when you overthink :)
Officially, officially, in love with Passenger and this song is on top of my list. Ahhh, christ my heart. <3
Happy Valentine's Day, Maedelle! :)
(Belated) Happy Valentine’s to you too! :)
I have always thought that Valentine’s day was full of bullshit, how it’s commercialized by hundreds of businesses, persuading people to treat their special someones on this day for the sole reason that it’s the day of hearts and love and all cheesy things and that you should be cheesy too, when in fact, it shouldn’t be that way because you’re supposed to treat every day with your loved one as special. It was just another day, only a day where bouquets of flowers could be seen everywhere and red and pink dominated every corner.
But even though I think Valentine’s is stupid, I suppose it is always, and still nice to feel some kind of validation on this (supposedly) special day. I suppose that even if I thought this was all ridiculous, it would probably be nice to celebrate along with the rest of the world.
All this, I only realized today.
Maybe I wanted flowers all along, even if I thought it was stupid.
I get that you’re scared and that you’ve been hurt. But doing what is easy and safe is no way to live, and a life without passion and love is so far beneath what you deserve.
â€” Kiersten White, The Chaos of Stars (via hephapimp)
I suppose I am fine, because elaborating on my feelings would probably end up with me rambling sooo, yes, I suppose I am fine and I hope you are feeling better than I am :)